Thanks for this exceptional post (but also for all of your work on and off the bandstand). I am startled to read this today -- May 26 -- because today would have been my father's 102nd birthday. You may wonder why this is particularly relevant. Well, Sheldon Stryker (1924-2016) was a highly distinguised sociologist at Indiana University who was best known as a pioneer of identity theory -- a way of explaining how a person's behavior and sense of self is shaped by his or her experiences in key life roles, including those in the family, at work, at school and in civic, political and religious life. I wish he were around so I could share your thoughts with him and hear his reaction. He was also a jazz fan. He collected records as a kid -- I have his 78s of Dizzy and Bird's Salt Peanuts/Hot House, Billie Holiday's Strange Fruit/Fine and Mellow, and others by Hawkins, Goodman, Basie, etc. He even saw Oscar Pettiford play on the campus of the University of Minnesota , when they were both growing up in Minneapolis/St. Paul, and then later, when my father was in the army during WWII, he saw Oscar play on 52nd Street in New York. But I digress ... carry on.
Mark, that’s sharing about your father. Sounds like he was doing some great work in sociology. Is there anything you can recommend? I’d love to read some of his thoughts on identity theory.
For years I’ve worked in therapy trying to erode binary thinking (i’m a failure/i’m a success, etc) is a constant struggle. Being responsible to a family can help to tune out things that aren’t as important, but as you said, the whole “i’m a father or family man” can become an ego trap as well. It’s very difficult.
In the current landscape also social media intensifies all of these phenomena exponentially. It’s kind of the only tool the independent musician has to get the word out there about the work, but it works best when you turn yourself into a brand…back to square one no? 😩
I can certainly relate to the idea that focusing on one's family can be a type of sipiritual nurishment. It keeps us from being hyper-focused on ourselves and our ambitions. Because as you know, the ego always ups the ante. What helps me instread of thinking of myself as father or a family man, is that I focus on doing the things that fathers and family men do. This helps to establish a certain level of detachment, and it keeps it more practical than performative. This way, for example, if you're late picking them up from school, you didn't fail as a father, you simply did not manage your time properly.
Thank you Sam, it was new for me to see that who I am publicly is who I actually him in comparison to Guru’s choice.
Sometimes who we are in truth has zero to do with how we came up or where we came from, and that contradiction must be worked through
I went through a period where I tried to be seen as someone other than who I am, and it was exhausting when social media stated exploding lol my MySpace is still there
Thanks, Matt. Looking forward to reading what you’re working on. And still working my way through New York City Subway Drama. It should be one of those Twight Zone weekly shows.
Man would I love to film some of those scenes on the subway and bus, and the post office one, one of my favs. Should the universe open the door I’ll play myself lol, thanks
such wisdom, thank you
Thanks, Bob.
Thanks, Sam. This is terrific!
Thanks, Angela. And I'm very much inspired your writing.
Sam,
Thanks for this exceptional post (but also for all of your work on and off the bandstand). I am startled to read this today -- May 26 -- because today would have been my father's 102nd birthday. You may wonder why this is particularly relevant. Well, Sheldon Stryker (1924-2016) was a highly distinguised sociologist at Indiana University who was best known as a pioneer of identity theory -- a way of explaining how a person's behavior and sense of self is shaped by his or her experiences in key life roles, including those in the family, at work, at school and in civic, political and religious life. I wish he were around so I could share your thoughts with him and hear his reaction. He was also a jazz fan. He collected records as a kid -- I have his 78s of Dizzy and Bird's Salt Peanuts/Hot House, Billie Holiday's Strange Fruit/Fine and Mellow, and others by Hawkins, Goodman, Basie, etc. He even saw Oscar Pettiford play on the campus of the University of Minnesota , when they were both growing up in Minneapolis/St. Paul, and then later, when my father was in the army during WWII, he saw Oscar play on 52nd Street in New York. But I digress ... carry on.
Mark Stryker,
Detroit
Mark, that’s sharing about your father. Sounds like he was doing some great work in sociology. Is there anything you can recommend? I’d love to read some of his thoughts on identity theory.
For years I’ve worked in therapy trying to erode binary thinking (i’m a failure/i’m a success, etc) is a constant struggle. Being responsible to a family can help to tune out things that aren’t as important, but as you said, the whole “i’m a father or family man” can become an ego trap as well. It’s very difficult.
In the current landscape also social media intensifies all of these phenomena exponentially. It’s kind of the only tool the independent musician has to get the word out there about the work, but it works best when you turn yourself into a brand…back to square one no? 😩
I can certainly relate to the idea that focusing on one's family can be a type of sipiritual nurishment. It keeps us from being hyper-focused on ourselves and our ambitions. Because as you know, the ego always ups the ante. What helps me instread of thinking of myself as father or a family man, is that I focus on doing the things that fathers and family men do. This helps to establish a certain level of detachment, and it keeps it more practical than performative. This way, for example, if you're late picking them up from school, you didn't fail as a father, you simply did not manage your time properly.
Thank you Sam, it was new for me to see that who I am publicly is who I actually him in comparison to Guru’s choice.
Sometimes who we are in truth has zero to do with how we came up or where we came from, and that contradiction must be worked through
I went through a period where I tried to be seen as someone other than who I am, and it was exhausting when social media stated exploding lol my MySpace is still there
What a relief to just be
Peace, happy Sunday. Time to write now myself..
Thanks, Matt. Looking forward to reading what you’re working on. And still working my way through New York City Subway Drama. It should be one of those Twight Zone weekly shows.
Man would I love to film some of those scenes on the subway and bus, and the post office one, one of my favs. Should the universe open the door I’ll play myself lol, thanks
There's only one Matt Lavelle!